Wednesday, September 15, 2010


I had another period pain today, and as usual, it feels like I'm going to die anytime. I was on the phone with Monsieur all through the pain because honestly I couldn't go through it alone, not with my mind knowing that I could reach for someone. For quite a bit I blacked out, but Monsieur woke me up. He sounded worried, and I felt bad for making him feel helpless like that, but I have to, because I know I'll faint whenever I get those cramps.

Don't tell me that crap about period pain being just something plain. I've ranted on this before in my old blog and I will tell you again - its worse than giving birth. Why? Because giving birth only lasts for when you're giving birth, prolly a day or two. Mine occurs every month without fail for years now, sometimes lasting for days on end. It feels like my insides are pulled and tugged on, or the feeling of something is boring its way in and around my insides, blunt yet stinging. It affected my stomach and my back, usually I'd vomit in one of the spells. I did, on the phone, with Monsieur -__________-""" I don't know what's more painful, the period cramp or getting embarrassed because I vomited while on the phone.

Imagine the fear I had while holding in the pain singlehandedly. It wasn't of death. But the future. What will he do if I leave this world? Can he manage? If I got through this again, (which I did), will this only mean its JUST a period cramp or will it lead to something worse? I told Monsieur of my fear last month. I told him the doctor told me that I might not be able to have babies if something goes wrong with my ovaries. :(

I want a child. :(


I'm listening to people squabbling outside, trying to sort out a marriage for my friend's relative. Good God I never thought marriage could be sooooooooooooooooooooooo much hassle. I could hear people demanding, and reasoning, and getting mad in the process. I hope my family won't get so much in trouble for when I'm getting married. So far I never heard my dad or mak squabble over things like this, or I might've been deaf all along. :\

And the amount of money needed! My goodness. Can't I just get married in the mosque?





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