Monday, October 4, 2010

Left side of my right mind

------------------------------------------------------ DRAMA / COLLEGE LIFE / HOT TOPIC
As you might know (you will very soon if you don't), I'm studying in a new college at the moment, with hopes that things will change for the better. I always hope so whenever I got to a new place, whatever the reason is.

But some things don't change, some things just stay the way they are, only with a different person, different situation, but still the same old stuff in essence.

Back then I had a close friend called Lexa. She was older than me a couple of years, and she's the only rose among the thorns in her family. Hence it's only natural for her mother to pamper her, give her what she wants, and providing only the best for her. I made friends of her the moment we were assigned to the same room in our hostel.

At first its going good. We went out like good girl friends do. To cut long story short, suddenly she had a boyfriend.

She started to neglect everything that she once loved - studying, going to classes, me. And so as a good girl friend I am I told Lexa, its okay if she hadn't the time to spend with me, at least she should do her course works. It was to no avail.

It's gotten worse, her boyfriend influenced her into asking her mom for more money every week. It started off RM50, then she asked for RM70, then it escalates to RM100.

Being a (used to be) good friend of hers its only natural for the mother to come to me asking what was wrong. I told her she's got a boyfriend, and she's always out with him so I didn't know much about what they were doing. The mother got so mad she lashes out on Lexa on the same night, telling her not to be with that guy anymore and concentrate on her studies - just like any other mother would do.

The mother asked me to take care of her, despite the fact that I'm much much younger than Lexa. She begs me to tell her if Lexa's getting any worse, and keep an eye on her beloved daughter for her. Lexa, in turn, didn't get mad at me for telling her mom all that her mom wants to know, but she grew estranged at me. She went out with the other popular kids in college, and I was left with the lame ones. I didn't mind all that, actually, until one day I heard a gossip about me being jealous of Lexa's boyfriend. Her boyfriend accused me for falsely telling the hostel wardens that he was asking Lexa's money all the time.

I did tell Lexa's mom about him. But this is a false accusation and the more I stood up for myself, it seemed that I'm always the one at fault.

In the end of all that mess, Lexa moved out of the college. She still wanted to be friends with me, but I guess I grew out of our memories together. She tried to call and text, I never really picked it up or answer her texts. I just had the feeling of our friendship getting cut clean through.

HERE, now, right at this moment, I am going through what I'm going through with Lexa again, only with a new good friend, and she didn't get sent away like Lexa. But the emotional tossing and tumbling is the same. I'm split between the mother and the friend.

You see my new friend, her name is Liza. She's young, fresh out of high school, didn't know a thing about how cruel the world could be. I got to be good friends with her, its been 4 months. We live together through all that 4 months, doing everything with each other, whether I liked it or not. She always tags along like a little chick, and I admit sometimes that made me feel uncomfortable lol.

Liza has a very bad attitude problem with her parents. I told her not to be so rude, but I guess its too late to nip a bud that has been growing into a tree. She would rather listen to me than her parents, and so the mother called me up and say things I've expected to hear from a mother of such pampered only baby girl.

"Red, please take care of her for me. I'm begging you, keep an eye on my girl. I love her, but she doesn't seem to understand the things I did for her is for her sake."


Okay, I said, unbeknownst to me that the responsibility would some day destroy my own friendship. Not that I have any choice to refuse, though.

Cut things short, she transformed like Lexa did, she started neglecting her course works and such. And I, being a good friend, told her to do her work ALL the time, but she's just plain stubborn. She was star struck by the new 'free' life where she could go anywhere she likes, do whatever she likes, and it doesn't matter much if she didn't do her work.

Yes, how she was wrong.

Until a few days ago she decided to go on a long bus trip to meet her family in another state, I decided it has to end because her attitude is rubbing onto me, I started lagging behind classes, my course works are of poor quality and such. It has to stop.

I told her mom where she had been, and she was shocked. The poor old woman cried, wondering why her daughter is such a hard headed person.

Many things happened so fast that I couldn't remember what it was, but in the end of it I stopped talking to Liza. I go out on my own, do things on my own, didn't even bother to wake her up to class like I did back then. There were no more joy, no more laughter.

I think the mother sort of picked this up, and called me up last night.

"Red, please forgive Liza. I've explained everything . . . so I hope you'd forgive her and please, child, keep an eye on her. I beg you please.

I'm a teacher for a long time, Red, and it's something I've learnt - to see people the way they really are, and you are a reliable person. I'd know because the years taught me. I know I can depend on you to take care of her, and so I hope you will, I couldn't. I wish your good traits will rub up on her and she'd change..."

You see the pattern here?

I'm giving Liza the silent treatment not because I'm mad or anything. I've forgiven her long ago, because she was just a child, she has to make mistakes so she'd know where she's wrong. But I figured that everyone must've pressured her on changing her attitude that she became more stubborn. I was like that too, I should know.

So I give her the chance to grow up a bit by letting her go on her own way, alone. She has to make even more mistakes, only then she would stop being rude and values the meaning of education.

She did talk about it in her fb about how lonely it's been since I last talked to her. I felt lonely too but it's for her sake. If she's back with me and still sporting that rude girl swag around everyone, there's no hope and there's no use.

And that part of being reliable and stuff? Whoa whoa whoa. That's too much.

Sigh. Things I have to put up with everyday.


  1. You are doing the right thing.Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when its all over.
    As of now,all you can do is pray that she comes to her senses before she falls hard.

  2. red...
    thanx 4 nasihat ko....walaupown aq ta brapa fhm BI..but aq ley fhm sape `LIZA` tu...
    thnx red...;)
    u`re my frend....
    but aq yg ta menyedari nyer....;(


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