Sunday, December 19, 2010

Who's really the jerk?

You know you ARE one when someone who's practically kind and sort of gentle starts calling themselves one after either one of you did something obscure to one another that happens to be sort of heart-breaking. Confusing? I can't see the base either. Maybe its time to set the foot - MY foot - firmly upon which everything is going on, presumably hot coals instead of the ground.

Lets take an analogy of a person in place of the situation I have at the moment. Lets say said person is a friend of you, a lady friend, who won't stop telling you that she thinks she looks fat and ugly even though she's not. Day in and day out.

Even if you have the patience of a saint, sooner or later you'll begin to rationalize irrationally what you are really going through here. Is this lady friend really thinks she's fat and ugly or does she did it intentionally to get attention/praise?

I'm sort of lost here.
Credit: Free photos from

Whatever it was it sure is unsettling to state that, whatever that was really going on in this picture (NOT the picture above), seeing either the small details or the big picture didn't help swaying the fact that both are given the benefit of doubt as to our respective reasons why we sort of make each other felt like a jerk.

Was this person really thinks he's a jerk? Or did I make him into believing he is? Was there any external factor as to why he states such a depressing remark about himself? Or did he do it just because? All questions may also be implied to myself. Was I being a jerk? Why was I a jerk if I really am? What's the point of all this insecurities about what the other person thought of himself and the relates it to myself?

I understand how many members of the opposite sex felt blue when they are faced with such a depressing girl who thought too much like I do. And being short tempered really did not help. But it does sting a bit when someone said something like that and I was left to wonder, what did I do this time?

Maybe I am a jerk for not knowing what I did after all o_o

Okay I admit, I did raise my voices more often than not, remarking curt responses and refusing to explain what really is going on in my twisted head.

But maybe (boy that's a lot of maybes in this post), just maybe when your lady friend said some bullshit like "its nothing" while obviously there IS something going on (and it inevitably felt like it was your fault), she thinks that saying things out is only going to lead to a more complicated situation (aka a no-win situation). Lots of us, if not all, have the ability to deny the glaring truth so we could feel better sometimes.

Whatever it was, it made me felt bad each and every time someone close makes that sort of remark about themselves. To add salt to the wound, it's been done by someone who kept telling me that beating myself down with depressing remarks about makes him feel bad at all.

This in no way is a backlash. It's my state of confusion amongst other things that annoys and saddens me which I doubt I will have time explaining soon. :\

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